I wish I could drive. I just want to drive away from here and go somewhere I feel safe and relaxed. With Kenny being away it's making me realize how much I really struggle at being on my own. I feel like a nervous wreck depending on people online to keep me company more than usual - which is never a good thing considering that these people have their own lives to deal with. I just feel so selfish.
It's actually exhausting being so damned miserable. I'm sick of it and it's making me ill.
I'm trying to get through this by just sleeping. I woke up today at the back of 9pm which is good, cause if I manage to sleep by 2pm then hopefully I can wake up at 6pm then it's another day that's disappeared.
I wish I had a Tardis.
No, scrap that. I wish I had a fucking life.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Music always helps
For the past few weeks especially, I've been feeling really low. I try not to burden people with my issues, but the few people who know me closely know what's going on in my head and they also know why I get so down. Past and present issues are the main thing in it all. Today has been another one of those days. While sitting here and saying to myself, "right, you need to move and tidy the flat, go for a shower, try and be creative - find some motivation damnit!", I still didn't move. Instead I did what I usually do... I sat and stared aimlessly at Google+, Facebook, Twitter and old reliable - YouTube. While starting off on YouTube watching little snippet documentaries of Komodo Dragons, I came across this music video that I haven't heard in years. I sat and watched and listened intently then felt a feeling of hope. Too corny? Well, it's true regardless of that.
So I say to you now, when you have one of those days where you just want to hide under the duvet; when you just want to curl up and hide away; when you lack motivation and any sort of pride or respect in yourself, listen to this. Just take 5 minutes and watch and listen. Hopefully if you're like me, you'll feel moved enough to actually do as the song says.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience...I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked....You're not as fat as you
imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind...the race is long, and in the end, it's only with
yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children,maybe
you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, don't
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either -- your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever
own..
Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for
good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen...
So I say to you now, when you have one of those days where you just want to hide under the duvet; when you just want to curl up and hide away; when you lack motivation and any sort of pride or respect in yourself, listen to this. Just take 5 minutes and watch and listen. Hopefully if you're like me, you'll feel moved enough to actually do as the song says.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience...I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked....You're not as fat as you
imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind...the race is long, and in the end, it's only with
yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children,maybe
you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, don't
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either -- your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever
own..
Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for
good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen...
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