Slowly getting there

I'm terrible at keeping track of these blogs :P

So, I officially started my course on the 29th of August and I attend on the Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I was absolutely terrified as well. Barely slept a wink. Seriously! Due to the travel, I'm having to get myself up at 3:30/4:00 which gives me time to get up, dressed, put on make up, straighten my hair (which is a mission on it's own!!) then get down to the bus station for the 6:10 bus which will get me in for 8:15 or 8:30ish depending on traffic. Considering I got about 2 hours sleep at the most on the Sunday, you can imagine that I was pretty much dead on my feet! Thankfully Kenny came to Glasgow with me that day, as he went to view a flat in Rutherglen - but I'll talk more about the whole flat issue another day, like when I actually move in so it has a happy ending ;)
The first day went really well I think! I got to use a Mac, which was glorious :P I won't lie though, it was a bit weird. I've never used one before, so it takes a bit of getting used to - as does Illustrator. I have no fucking clue how to use it! So during our Digital Media class, it's safe to say that I failed pretty miserably at it :P Hopefully I'll be better this Monday though! :)

I love the drawing classes though. I love how it's really giving me a challenge! One of my major hangups with any drawings I do is the fact I take ages with them. I'm too much of a perfectionist with a defeatist attitude! "Och, I fucked that up!" *start again!*, or "Naw, that's shite!" *rage smoke!*. They don't give me the chance to be like that. It would be a case of BAM! Draw the person in front of you now by:

• Quick sketch in 20 mins making sure the proportions are good
• Drawing with the hand you don't use (My left hand for me)
• Draw with the hand you don't use and don't look at your drawing, and don't take your pencil off the paper! One continuous line!
• Use pastels/charcoal/pencil/conte chalk

I've put a few of the better pics up along with the first one I drew just to show some sort of improvement. I know that these aren't absolutely amazing, but it's nice to actually see that they are getting better and I'm allowing myself to be more sketchy instead of extremely delicate with them :)

First day
Draw person in front
20 mins 

Second day
Draw person in front - profile
15 mins

Third day
Draw person in front - profile (using charcoal)
15 mins

Fourth day
Draw person in front wearing a hat
20 mins

Forth day
Self portrait while wearing a hat
45 mins

Kenny

So, I was in the shower there and while washing I was just thinking about a lot of stuff and conversations online I had today. For the record, I'd like to state right now that this is aimed no one in particular. It's a rant that's been years in the making.

I know there's a lot of people who think that Kenny's too good for me. I also know that there's people who think that I am a bitch to him. Well, to those people...:

Fuck you.

See, I'm aware that me and Kenny are total opposites. I know we don't have millions of things in common. What I do know however, is that we know everything about each other. We don't kiss and cuddle 24/7 or in public  because we don't need to show off how much we love each other nor do we don't need to send overly cutesy text messages or emails. Quite frankly, I find couples who do that really annoying and smug. Great, you're a couple. We get it. Get over it. I know I'm really cynical though, but I won't apologise for it either. That's just who I am. Don't like it? Tough.

Let me ask you something though. How well do you know your partner? What's going through their head? Are they lying to you? Are they telling your friends things about you that you don't even know about? 

I've had people say to me "You must not love each other that much if you're in an open relationship! How can you have sex with someone else or kiss someone else and claim you love him?"

Lolwut?!

Have you ever considered that maybe we love each other so much we want to allow each other to experiment with other people? Can anyone honestly say 100%, that your eyes have never wandered? Have you never seen anyone and thought or fantasised about them? Never? We let each other experiment and have fun, but we always talk about it. If one of us ever felt uncomfortable or decided we wanted to stop, then it stops, and it's just me and him. To me, sex isn't everything. It's fun. It's contact. It's also a bond. Don't get me wrong, I don't go to a club, see someone then go "lolololol sex naow?!". Nor do I jump into bed with someone who I don't know or just think is hot. There's more to it than that.

I can understand that some people may disagree with that, or find it wrong. Go ahead! You're allowed to think what you like. That is your right as a human being. Just do not tell me that I am being a terrible partner, because I can assure you that I am most certainly not.

I can list many reasons why I love Kenny. I won't however as quite frankly I can't be arsed. What I will say though is that Kenny knows everything about me. He's seen me at my high points in life (literally too :P) and he's seen me at my very lowest. Throughout all of that, he has stayed by me, supported me, helped me and not complained. He makes me feel special and I do the same for him. I would never hurt someone who can make me feel like that.

Over the past 4, coming up 5 years now, me and Kenny have been through a lot. There was even a brief time where we nearly split up. We worked on it though, and if anything we're stronger for it. Nor has it just been me going through shit, he has went through his fair amount of shit too. He doesn't talk about it though. No wait....

He tells me.

And who helps him?

Me.

It frustrates me so much when couples don't talk about their problems. They run and tell their mates about how "he did this" or "she does this", and when asked if they've told their partner how they say... "No....".

*facepalm*

I'm gonna wind it up here cause I should probably get some kip, but this has been bugging me for a while. I just hope maybe someone will read this and think, "Hmm, maybe I should appreciate my partner a bit more" or maybe question do they actually even know who they're with. If you're in a perfect relationship however then great! Good for you! Don't let them slip away, and never change yourself for them either! Always be yourself and remember and appreciate the people closet to you as well. They might not always be there for you when you need them otherwise.

P.S. As much as I love Kenny, he can also be a prick at times too. I love him enough to admit he has flaws, and Kenny... sweetie... If you're reading this right now then yes, I love you. But so help me, if you keep me awake all night ever again, imma gonna hurt you! :P

Love. We can has it.